#meroyan

Yup #meroyan

Hi.

Its my fault and i admitted. Shouldn't sibuk dgn tepi kain orang lain. Now, you said it will be okay and I don't think so (overthinking is my habit after this insecurities and anxiety build up). 4 weeks and it's harsh. You don't text with person that you feel so awkward. I don't. Therefore decided to let go. Maybe it's a good choice, I don't know. Maybe. 

I don't want make you another lost piece in this puzzle. It's tiring when you keep losing every pieces of puzzle that you really love. Hated it when letting people be significant and suddenly you doubted their worth.

I builts a concerete barrier kalis segala emosi- trust, love, hate, etc. so? Ada problem kah? Ego? Also a part of the innate immunity 

Being honest is good. You hated my concept of friend but that's how I survived after a hell i created in the past. You don't know and I don't think you need to know. We are so different, I do understand.. Something that i posted in media social (esp this one also), maybe ditujukan khas untuk kau, or maybe just for general population. I can be random, loose association of thoughts kan? Tapi kenapa kau yang terasa lebih? Bukan semua tweet or post ig untuk kau? Mungkin aku tgh tujukan org lain juga.

Walawei half of post! Since talking is not for us (cakap pun mcm haram, nak taknak je), so this post khas utk meroyan yang pasti kau x baca sebab kau bukan baca pun! Kalau kau baca, mungkin.. Or maybe just don't read, things will be more awkward.. Bukan blh lari kalau benda lagi jadi lebih teruk. Haha (oh yeah haha tak sesuai during serious talk)

3months.. Nope 2 months to go. Afraid and nervous but hard to concentrated. Ya Allah, please help me.. Nak grad on time and be good and safe doctor with everyone else. Tahu suka sangat usaha last minute, permudahankanlah Ya Allah. Hilangkan malas, mengantuk dan izinkan fokus sepenuhnya on Final MBBS! Amin.. Nak lulus!! Kena usaha byk2! Taknak kecewa lagi!!

Kena make sure my purpose is fulfill everyday dayung2 g hospital. Kena pikir mbbs all the time. Kena ada confidence ngn diri sendiri and tambah ilmu. Truthfully I'm scared. InsyaAllah boleh lulus! Positive! 

Maybe patut sambung study ortho ni! chaiyok! You can do it!!

Happily walk away if it's good for me. And kalau dpt wat getaway to any beach, it would be nice. And do extereme sports- parasailing again ke jet skin or paragliding? Zipline, bungee macam best tapi mampu ke? Skydiving kena tunggu lps lulus final, then mmg nak buat skydiving at least once before i die.

Stop. Esok kelas! Enough #meroyan. Orang x peduli kau okay ke tidak. That is life. Bye