Butterfly in the stomach

Salam and hi.

Yes I'm stress up..

2 reports with no progression.. My fault entirely! Janji siapkan malam nie, kita balik umh, Akmar! Don't worry.

Buka laptop, bukak doc. Keep staring at it.. But nothing.. Nothing comes to mind.. 

So i guess i wasted few hours with watching a lot of movies, listening to same songs for hours.. Keep on checking the phone.. Facebooking, twittering.. Wasted!

So i hope this is my last stop.. Blog..

Wtv lah!

Butterfly in stomach = rama2 dlm perut

Tak mungkin. Impossible

Okay of course nervous.. 

Past weeks and days, i been nervous almost all the time.. 

Yup. I was nervous.. Deep inside! Outside, i look perfectly normal, calm.. Too calm i guess.

I visited a cancer patient.

I watched the same movie for a while instead of study.

Studied but it just not good enough.

Been to wedding and wonder that I wouldnt married forever, am i?

Weird dream- getting propose by whatsapp.. Which a bit romantic words and i almost reply YES but of course i woke up! So no reply!

EOP- less than 1% but it was damn scary! Nevertheless, PROF SIA and DR NG, I LOVE YOU!! Thanks for every bitS of ilmu that you gave throughout this surgical posting. I will improve my lacks and try my best, doc!

OH- 3% but i didnt finished study.. So maaf Dr Marzuki and para lecturers lain!

And everything that happened between..

2014 seem like the number 3 in 2014 is the only changes happened! Still early to predict.. InsyaAllah things can get better! Positive! Be positive Akmar!!

And people changed.. Ada yg makin baik (maybe), makin teruk, dari pelbagai aspects.. Personality, looks, relationship or what-so-ever.

Dramas.

I think thats why (i heard before) life is a stage. And people are the actors/actresses. No doubt my life is a mess.. So i guess other people's life is messy too!

Messy or tangled? I dunno.. Sometimes i wish i didnt know anything.. So i wont judge. So i wont be prejudis.. So i dont have to hate.. 

Something are better leave unknown.. Ever heard the word 'darkest secret'? Yup everyone must have it one at least.. 

These 'butterflies' will come everytime:-

Phone rings- calls, notification from whatsapp, bbm, texts

Bad news.

Good news.

Things i shouldnt be hearing, things i shouldnt said.

Cursing.

Almost accident when someone else inside the car.

Love.

Crush.

Heart breaks.

HOPE.

Exam.

Tears.

Sometimes i think im strong enough.

But im not? Or i am actually?

I dunno.. Because i myself not good with my own emotion, feeling..

I can listen to others problems.

I can give my opinion.

But it is important? These opinion, these 'listen to problem'??

Nervous. I hate this feeling..

Hand tremor, shaking voice, mind blank.

Because this is a sign of weakness.

At least my weakness.

 I hate it. Very much...

And another feeling i hate- love

Yup.. Love.. When you love someone/something.. You become attached, obsessive... Then you started to hate, everything seem wronged.. After that, its gone.. Love become hate. Friend become foe. Beautiful become ugly. And the world seem very lonely.

I dont know the truth.. Since i never been in love (at least i think).. This is what i think. 

Time changed.

People changed.

Love changed.

Hate changed?

Nervous?

I dont know.. One thing i sure, everything does change! Changes can be good or bad.. Its all about choices that we made everyday.. So choose wisely.

Bye.. Happy hols  :)

Sky still blue.. Sun still shine brightly.. So hope is there!

Adios klang! For 1 week!