Impromtu trip?

Salam. Morning. Mesti pelik aku bangun awal kannnnn? Hahaha

17th August 2016

Impromtu trip? Takde lah impromtu lahh sgt.. Still ada plan jugak lahhh. Haha

Kl - Merlimau - bypass Tangkak, kuar tol Bukit Gambir - Kulai - KL - Kuantan - Karak - KL

9am - 1am! Nampak tak lebih 12 jam di situ?

Haha started as trip just utk bincang some stuff. Ahh stuff yg depressing.. Why money you dont grow on tree? Hahahaha

But literally money made of paper. Paper from tree. Eh?

Haha

Tapi best.

I get to drive alone. See the empty road (fine, ada kereta tapi tak banyak😍😍). See the sky. See the cloud. See the trees. See the sunset.

Feel the wind. De- stress trip i guess.

Yes, bosan tapi pasang lagu clubbing dgn buka tingkap. Kau rasa aku bosan ke? Dok menyanyi melalak, menjerit aku rasa.. Hilang segala stress sekejap! Haha

Thank you to both hosts yesterday. Hosts terbaik ever jumpa.. Rumah AAA dah seronok terdampar, makan a lot. Rumah V seronok layan hindustan, makan kedai hipster sedap. Berbaloi makan. And Hazelnut   white coffee buat aku tak boleh tdo sampai kul 3.30am...

Merlimau- wahhh hospitality terbaikkk👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻  mak cikk, thank you kasi dodol. Mak suka! Haha. Thanks kasi kek cokelat padu! Berbaloi breakfast mkn tu sblom kena drive ke Kuantan tadi. Haha.. So conclusionnya, smalam keluar Merlimau, seluar jeans ketat balik (nampak byk makan kat umh tu?) hahaha..

Planning itinerary is not an easy task.. Wahh esp for 11 days +++.. A lot of things kena handle and thank god ada org sudi lead or i called in control.. He said just habit kena tahu apa segala.. So sama kan dgn in control kan? Haha.. Sorg lagi acah busy2 tapi boleh pakai ah.. And aku? Terdampar, cuba paham segala plan, risau duit yg mmg nmpk tak cukup and basically i didnt contribute much... Hurm.. Macam jadi burden.. Well, naseb lah someone need to be the dead log 💁🏻 huhu.. Again thank you very very very muchhhh guys😁😘

Am i that scary? Kalau nak join trip, join je. So far belum makan org lah. Just lambat warm up nak kenal hati budi org. Tlg lahhh most people yg rapat sme bertahun bru blh jadi rapat mcm sekarang okay?

Tak sempat tgkp pic kat iconic sofa- kata AAA.. Lol. Time restrains.

Tak cukup menapak umh org smpai asar, gigih nak turun Kulai! Haha 

Entah lahh apa lahh makcik2 pikir pasal perangai kuat berjalan jauh, balik tengah malam? Haha

Dapat bypass Tangkak! First time lalu pekan tu.. Seblom tak tahu pun kat mana Tangkak punnn.. Haha

Kulai- Thank you Miss V sudi terima my impulsive visit! Haha.. Kelam kabut lupa map bila minta direction! Hahaha.. Thank you tumpang kan bilik, kuar dinner sama2.. Bila dinner, mesti berborak. Thanks again.. Yang penting, thanks bayar dinner! Hahahaha macam tahu petis ngakk ada.. Haha.

Again thank you. Kau sendiri paham lahh.. 

Mohon buat pilihan terbaik yee.. Nasihat mak nenek aku dtg kadang kala jeeee~~

Igt ye message dari AAA: Pasrah yeeeee *mohon bayangkan nada and mimik muka dia sekali utk impak terbaik! Hahaha

Kuantan- request from Puan Mama.

Wah! Local bawak kete macam haram, parking macam haram. Kena re-think kalau nak keje kat Kuantan. Yes aku pun bawak kete macam haram tapi wah td tu mmg haram nau! Grrr geram!

"Tu pasal mak dah kata pilih ho di negeri yg dihubungkan dgn highway- melaka, perak, phg(?)"- quote Puan Mama. Sentap. Tapi gatai nak g jauh- Sabah. Hewhew

At least segala cte kg2 dr Mak Ngah, zaman bukit aman- pudu just naik bus, jalan kaki, kemamam - pahang -kl satu perjalanan yg sgt lama and memabukkan (mual, muntah), sejarah dunia etc lahh.. Bukan selalu aku nak berborak ngn Mak Ngah lagipun. Surely why not kan?

Karak- balik kampung je singgah umh biasa lah.. Pergh laksam and laksa sedap gak! Haha

Arini feeling rollercoaster extra time turun karak highway sbb dah noticed lampu mmg padam. Selamat lampu kecik and sport lite hidup, cerah tapi malap.. Mmg asyik pakai high beam je!!.. Perghh tambah kena himpit lagi.. Perghhh

Therefore, g jalan2 melaka and kulai buat rasa macam jalan2 balik kampung. Yes karak cukup feeling kampung tapi sejam je kot! Xdan nak feeling lagu blk kampung tuuu🎶 haha.. Jarak and suasana kat umh dorg rasa macam kampung2. Tapi actually umh masing2 kat pekan. Anak bandoo lahh jugak dorg ni! Hahaha

Mak dok kata apa lah yg best g drive sorg2 tu! Well, the journey itself yg best. Sampai destinasi pun best tapi along the way, i got see, feel and everything lahh.. Its a loner thing lahh.. Suka duduk alone happily! What to do?! Hahaha.. 

Dapat jumpa kawan2 rasa gembira. Bila habit macam hoarder (kata makhluk Tuhan itu lahhh 😒) or i prefer collector, kena nampak bru rasa wujud.. Takat wassap ke mesej, feeling tak sama! Haha perangai budak2 sangat!! Hahaha

2 days straight long distance driving- best tapi effing tired. So nites. Sweet nitemares. Salam

Dreamer Part 3

Salam. Hai jumpa lagi eh. Ya dah nekad nak frequent update blog! Tapi rasa macam nak sambung Dreamer, tengok jalan cerita boleh buat drama time magrib tu tak? Hahaha

Tadi first time buat batter pancakes from scratch. Hopefully jadi lah esok. 🙏🏻😏

Takde mood nak meroyan, sebab puas palpitation dengan caffein and passport tadi (yes overthinking what if kalau passport kena blocked tetiba. Weird but yeahh that's me). Mood memang tak baik for past few weeks, maybe patut stop mogok. 

Yang pasti gembira sebab dah try bungy jump, main kat sunway lagoon, lepak ngn 👭👭, settle step 1 and merancang angan2 yang diidamkan. Haha Alhamdulillah

So. Let's begin. WARNING: cheezy words and again just another dream. Dream yang rasanya tak kan dikecapi.

**********

Dreamer Part 3

Duduk di meja tepi tingkap. Tengok gelagat orang ramai yang sibuk berjalan, memandang telefon bimbit, bergelak ketawa bersama kawan dan jalan seorang diri sambil mendengar lagu (of course pakai earphone duhh)..

Seorang diri. Buku di tangan. Mata membaca dengan tekun. Secawan iced mocha. Wow, boleh tahan pahit and manis. Begitu juga kehidupan. Bukan semua manis, mesti ada saat pahit.

Satu jam.. Dua jam.. Tiga jam....

Telefon bimbit yang selalu dicampak (okay sebenarnya terjatuh dengan sengaja haha) vibrate.

WhatsApp D*****: Yo sis

Kenapa makhluk ni mesej tetiba? Malas nak reply. Teruskan bacaan.

Sekali lagi telefon bimbit itu vibrate.. Aishhh dah kenapa ramai yang mesej ni?

WhatsApp D*****: Pandang belakang.

Eh? Kenapa pandang belakang? Aku toleh ke belakang.

Tersenyum.

"Asal kau kat sini?"

"Saja usha awek cantek yang lalu lalang kat sini.. Hahahaha!" Jawab dia dengan selamba. Dia terus duduk di kerusi sebelah.

Buku di tangan dicapai.

"Have a Little Faith.. Bukan buku ini kau dah pernah baca?" Tanyanya sambil membelek buku tersebut.

"Yup. Dah pernah abes baca dulu kat Kino. Tapi tak beli. So ni dah beli, makanya baca again" jawabku sambil mengambil buku tersebut semula. Dia ingat!

Dia tergelak kecil. Dengan selamba, iced mocha aku disedutnya.

"Woit aku punya lah!" Jerit perlahan aku menarik cawan itu. Saja je buat drama. Macam tak biasa kongsi air, makanan. 

"Macam tak biasa! Gedik. Mana makanan? Aku lapar" balasnya sambil menarik semula cawan itu.

"Ah kau ingat aku cop duit untuk kau? Hahaha" kataku sambil terus membuka semula buku.

Kawan lebih 8 tahun. Dari sekolah asrama form 4 sampai masuk universiti. Gila kalau tak kenal perangai. Haha

Dia tersenyum tetiba. Eh dia ada lesung pipit lah. Lupa dia memang ada! Haha

Aku kecilkan mata. Mukanya ditatap.

"Kau nak apa? Tetiba senyum?" tanyaku dengan penuh suspicious. Bukan boleh percaya kalau dia tetiba semyum gedik macam tu.

"Jom lah. Shopping ke jalan- jalan. Aku nak cari baju baru, kau bising kan. Baju aku buruk kan?! Haha" katanya smbil bangun. Iced mocha aku dipegangnya. Beg aku pun dia ambil. 

Aku tak berganjak. Sambung baca buku. Ahh aku nak abeskan baca buku ini hari ini.

"Aishhh.. " aku dengar suara dia tak puas hati. Tersenyum. Dalam hati gelak golek- golek. Hahaha

Buku dirampas. Aku pandang mukanya dengan tak puas hati.

"Jom!" serunya sambil terus berjalan keluar dari cafe bersama beg, buku dan air aku.

"Sabar lahh! Tunggu.." Ya aku mengalah. Makhluk ini yang selalu ada bila tayar pancit, kereta taknak hidup. Apa lah sangat ikut dia shopping. 

Ahh dia susah nak decide baju mana yang cantik, patut beli ke tak baju ini.. Aishh cheapskate! Dia yang kata dulu, bukan aku! Plus, mengalahkan perempuan pergi shopping! Aku pun tak shopping selama dia! Haha

-----

Dia tak perasan aku. 

Sengaja duduk di meja belakang dia. Bukan stalker tetapi terserempak.

Still, she did not noticed me. Been sitting behind her around 1.5 hours.

That's happened bila dia baca buku. Entah apa yang suka sangat dengan buku Mitch Albom tu.. Buku medic bising mengantuk baca. Haha

Telefon bimbit dicapai.

Mesej lama dibuka. WhatsApp. Dibaca. Yup aku baca mesej lama. Menarik apa. Emosi masa itu and emosi sekarang lain. Kadang terpikir kenapa dia mesej macam tu, kenapa aku reply nak tak nak macam tu. Haha kelakar.

M***** : Dia ajak g wedding dia😭😭

Aku    : Dont go. If not, kau yg nanges🙄🙄😂😂😂

            Sanggup ke nak g?

M***** : takk lahhh.. Nope! Nak g, so tak nmpk aku suka nau dia!😭😭

Aku    : then go.

M***** : jom! 

Aku    : nope. Aku anti social. And aku bukan boyfie kau💁🏻💁🏻💁🏻💁🏻

Conversation 6 bulan lepas. Still rasa dia belum move on. Tahu dia still simpan gelang tangan yang mamat tu bagi sempena dia lulus Tahun 3 MBBS. Wow bahagia dia macam kena propose! Haha.

Jari keep on scrolling mesej lama.

Terhenti.. Mata menatap mesej itu. 10 months ago.

M***** : weyh, busy? Aku nak call jap.

Still remember that call. Dia menangis. Sebab apa? Sebab exam kan? Ke sebab mamat tu? Ke sebab family dia?

Ahhh~~~ sebab family dia. Dia tak tahan dah. Dia tak pernah tunjuk dia penat atau sedih. Selalu senyum, gelak macam hantu. Tapi malam itu, 2.30am (yes ingat sebab aku baru balik makan mamak dengan geng jantan lain haha. Baru nak main game tetiba telefon bunyi!)

Dia menangis. Aku di hujung talian hanya mampu mendengar. Nak motivated dia, tapi tak sanggup. Aku tak nak dengar dia nangis lagi.

Tanpa disedari, hati aku terdetik. Aku nak jaga dia! Eh. Tapi dia lagi jantan dari aku?! Selekeh, pakai jeans and t- shirt lusuh all the time but I want to hold her and comfort her.

Eh? Am I falling in love with her?

*************

Enough.. Makin jijik. Tak tahan weyhhh..

Dengan #np Baby Bash ft Frankie J- Suga suga...

Kenapa tak de nama watak? Sebab tak pernah pikir nak sambung Dreamer ini. 

I guess this is what I want.. Maybe ideal situation maybe in future?

Tapi i dont think so. Why? i dunno. Maybe sebab takut commitment. And i need to love myself before loving another person.

Okay. Thats all. Nites and sweet nitemares. Next time tulis Dreamer, target buat reader menangis! Haha and surely no happy ending

Hahaha. Bye

Rindu

Salam penganggur.

Since dah kerja menanam anggur- fine ternak lemak! Keep thinking why not update more frequent? Since ada peminat tetiba suka baca sejak diperkenalkan. Hahaha

Opps lupa nak tutup nama! Haha eh?

Ada orang suruh tulis bila dah rindu.

Rindu ke? Kalau rindu, rindu apa?

Place? Like above, it's not. Because that place just another place which someone else will replace and take over later.

People? Maybe? Some will be remembered,remained as sweet memories. And some just will be bitter memories. Macam memasak, rasa dia kena cukup; masin, masam, manis, pahit (?)

Tapi kalau perangai hina sangat tu, layak je lupakan. Serius lupakan je, dari sakit hati ingat.

Actually, sincerely I think we missed the memories. Because memories made of every moments in our life atthat moment, and we miss that moment. That moment with that person, that group of people we love and doing things that we love, sometimes jadi impulsive and do some crazy things. Yup of course I done some crazy things (I can be daredevil and spontaneous but I'm not a risk taker)

1month and half - basically back to origin and almost lost my mind because home is where we become human (at least i did become human.. Maybe.. I think.. Hahaha) and college is a part of my freedom.

Define freedom- kebebasan untuk makan at anytime, keluar bila rasa nak keluar (read as stress), meeting people and getting to know them inside out, and maybe do some random things

Staying home is not bad. Maybe because i leave home at early age, so dah terbiasa. Haha but dont worry, im not that kind of liar person. Just random and spontaneous person.

So now, i can only remained sane for 2 weeks. After that, keluar main ngn mek kesayangan. Hopefully im not become nuisance to her.. Dah tanya, she said okay. Dont worry, i will stop when the time comes and when she say so. So missing college not really. But missing the time when everyone is there for hangout (let just read as bergosip) , paksa- rela keluar/ belanja makan and karok dalam kereta mcm semua suara sedap macam Adele, Taylor Swift.. Bila realiti, masing- masing suara katak panggil hujan.. Hahahaha.. Yes, that one I do miss. I missed them.

Whatsapp? Mesej? Boleh tapi feeling lain. Tambah ngn perangai kaki bluetick each other. So nahh, not the same.. Call? Kirim salam, boleh bikin gaduh and mesti takde topik nak cakap. Haha

Them? Siapa them? Just a few sebab ramai tak lepas that barrier.. So they may looked like a friend, but actually they are only acquaintance. Sorry

1. Miss I- mek kelantan yang tak byk ckp. Tapi kalau kasi cukup warm up, you can hear all the things that she pendamkan. But i still look for her every 2 weeks.. Now as checking her up, and maybe jadi bahu utk dipinjam. Tapi dia kata dia dah terima hakikat. So kadang rasa macam aku yg tgh pinjam bahu dia. Huhu

2. Miss A- this hantu, just hantu yang susah nak korek the real her. But im glad i get the opportunity to know her. Sarcastic, playful and helpful most of the time after the sarcasm of course. But she is an interesting person. To get her to open up, just be patient because thats the only way. Hee

3. Mr AAA (tpi letak Mr mcm pelik sbb he acted like one of girlfriend jugak! Ampun! Haha) - this guy is unique. Takde lah org lain macam dia because one moment he is a maaaa~~ gurlfriendd *baca dgn nada makcik african american taw! But sometime he can be there for you when semua org takde.. Bak kata tweet Miss A- lelaki harapan dia lahh... Hahahaha.. Just tahan segala kerenah anak bongsu, segala meroyan, angin ribut taufan and still kau tetap susah nak teka personality dia. Tapi he's not bad person as rumours said (if ada rumours lah!) because he is trustworthy person despite with some issues yg kita susah nak paham. Kadang just let it remain tak paham. Hahaha

4. Mr S- another anak bongsu. Menarik personality. Hantu jugak. And tahniah dapat baby baru.😊

5. My beloved buddies line- adek2 yang tercinta. Mengarut je kat ws tapi i know each and everyone one of them are struggling hard in their own way. And i ada utk any helps. Just call me je anytime for now lahh, and will come to help you guys..

6. Miss V- most indecisive person ever meant. Terlalu baik hati sampai sanggup makan hati. Most probably just the way dibesarkan. Very knowledgable and also humble. Cannot stop talking... Only stop talking of ada org yg dia tak comfortable. Baru rapat sebab tak reason. Just hope she can choose the best for her and not get hurt along the journey when the choice is made.

7. Some other random people macam groupmate yg baik (still can ws and mencarut to each other hahahaha), beloved lecturer esp Prof S, Prof SL, Dr R, Dr A and other. Byk lah yang pasti. Tapi mereka tak memberi impak segempak them above.

The best moments- A LOT OF IT...

Moment yg recent- karok melalak dalam kereta, lepak bilik, tgk movie, food hunting etc

Moment yg past- pantai at midnight, bowling, tgk bukit etc

Banyak moments yang pasti.. The goods and the bad one.. Tapi just another memories and we shouldnt live init. So move on. Meet new people, experience new things and be happy. Happy in any ways possible. Because its your life, not others.

Sekian 49minit for this update. My gosh. Esok kena bgn awal. So nite. Sweetnitemares. Salam

Journey 2011/2016

Salam.

2 August - not really a good day for me since past 14years. Still missing you eventhough seldom check on you there. Sorry. Hope you're doing well there 😢😶

29 June 2016- another day to remember I guess. You dont get good result everyday esp for ppl like me, the struggler, the last-min person, the overthinker. Alhamdulillah

Yes I put a hold to the tear of joy for tear of I dunno, disappointment(?) because she will not be here for me with/for oath ceremeony, last dinner and convo. Yes went to find her after noticed she is not there when I asked to wait awhile as i want to see the result myself. i understand the feeling too, we been in it together before. Im reallly glad that you're fine now. Will coming back to see you soon.😊

Back to the title: Journey

Hurm. Its all started as challenge.

Boarding school (read as MRSM)- science is easy, maths, add maths is easy but language? Nahh not my thing! Somehow accountancy seem interesting, but balancing can be easy yet challenging.

Foundation (read as Asasi PAlam)- bio, chem again reading subjects, efforts needed! Physic, ahhh interesting and easy, thanks to crush (yes, have weird crush on physic tutor, is that they called? Hahaha) 

I dont want an easy way to see life. I want challenge along the way. So i took the hardest way, way that my people said it wont be easy even after graduate. They tried, tried hard to stop me. But knowing me, stubborn.

I signed up for this 5years course MBBS for challenge myself. No other motive until some senior (orientation week, yup avoided the racist orientation but ends up kena teman roomate), she asked "Asal nak jadi doctor?" 

In my head, laju2 macam2 jawapan pikir. Nak kasi typical answers ke? Nanti kena teruk bantai.. Yup i think a lot in that few secs. Ends up a very personal reason came up and all the sudden that reason become the pemangkin, dorongan everytime i really want to call it a quit. That reason is why i hold to this dream so hard , fall hard, cried hard, laughed hard.. Everything because of that reason. Thank you. I will try my hardest to achieve my goals to fullfil that reason InsyaAllah. And now my baby steps is over. Step 1 done- grad on time, just 5years! Next step 2: Ho, the undertaker, i  dont understang why they called it that? Call it hamba kelas paling bawah, yes understand but undertaker? Nahh still a mystery.

In this 5 years. The journey is not easy at all. hard, cant said hardest since no other experience to compare. Haha but really, HARD. You find yourself always worrying, are you good enough? Clever enough? Or just that stupid, too dumb to understand the easy physiology of renal function or no enough brain cells to remember that easy anatomy of head to toes? Just god sake it's just a human! I dont know, that 5 years really makes me think im not that bright student yang do good enough at high school and asasi. Like im just imposter, being there is wrong! This is just the pre clinical years (Phase 1 and 2!)

At least that thoughts reduced a bit, things improved, better i think during clinical years (Phase 3A and 3B)... I worked hard, damn hard until i feel guilty if i go home and play. But the stress level- worst! Worse than in MRSM but still better because i still have friends, true friends around at least in uni compare to in MRSM (dont want talk about it, and never will!). So what? Go home, sleep, eat and play on weekend. Be a proper human- what my mum usually said, "Kat um jadilah hantu tak tdo, tak makan, konon study kuat sgt tu. And balik umh, makan puas2, tido and jadi manusia sebenar".

And its worth it. Every tears, sweats and blood (i guess maybe from those accidental needle prick kot? Hahaha ke darah patient? Pun bolehhh hahaha). 

29 JUNE 2016- MEM1****** LULUS

Seeing that, I know deep inside its worth it. Means a world for me.Acknowledgment.

What i learned throughout this 5 years?

1. You dont work, you failed. So work hard. So hard like there is no tommorow. Because supplement (special sem for 3mt i always tell other ppl) sangat teruk, sangat sakit and kau taknak rasa. Kau tak rasa kau tak layak nak kata apa2. Jangan panggil kitaorg asabiah sbb kitaorg lain and we deserved the bong ( btw the bond is not there anymore, everyone just... Dispersed.. Dont let me start about friends till jannah kat bukit ampang tu sebab they will say, kita kawan selamanya tapi kalau kawan kann, kita tak rasa apa yg aku tengah rasa. Bukan aku je, few of us. Only few of us (number? 4 ke 3 je patut cakap? Haha so what, people move on. Thats life)

2. Knowledge is everything, anyone can give it and anywhere you can find it. Be proactive, ask questions even if it's silly but not too stupid please. I know i hate it. Listen when dr and profs teaching! Focus with segala kekuatan yg mampulahh.. Share the knowledge even though it's not much compare to the smart students, deans list. Jadi span, sedut ilmu org lain then kongsi ngn org lain juga.

3. First time is was a mistake. But second time is choice - quoted from a guy that just started kenal, blom rapat and it hurts badly,deeply when kena  batang hidung sendiri. That fall, it was hardest, damn hard to stand back!

4. Friends come and go. True friends stayed and dont leave. When the time is hardest, people yg datang can be your true friends. That point they are. But after that, 1 year after that, 2 years after, i dont know. Please consider. People changes, you change too! And sometime those yang kau kenal dari first year dah bukan kawan dah punn bila dah masuk final years. Org kau baru kenal hati budi hujung2 tu lahhh yang boleh pakai silap hari bulan. Haha

5. Trust. I trust you. You trust me. I tell your my secrets, show my darkest side of me d you dont leave. You did the same, i dont leave too.. But if I bluntly break that trust, i lose you when you said it will be okay and its never be the same anymore. Im sorry if i did it, good intention and you seem cant to understand it. My mistake

6. Junior is not bad. Buddy helps. Esp barang buddy. Haha okay adik2 buddy pun helps a lot. Moral support bila kau about to breakdown. Foods- can be free or expensive, depends on time. Haha. Love you guys buddies!

Basically, i went through a life phase during these 5 years. I grew, matured and learning to be a better person from the person i was 5 years back. I wasn't the nicest person on the earth but now, still mean and nasty in every ways possible but a bit nicer. Have some friends which i dont really have much before if to compared to the old time. And knowledge wise, im still improving. I met people, learn new things, go places and experience everything. Live a life. Dont be hurmmm what the word, lubuk? Sebab kita hidup sekali. Kau pikir umur 21, 22 datang balik lps ko kawen, beranak ke lps ko jadi prof? Tak, kita teruskan hidup biarpun they said you wont have a life. 

So sekarang isilah segala form, g interview tu, kursus 5 hari (?) dan be a good and safe doctor! InsyaAllah. Jaga hati. Niat kerana Allah. Things will never go wrong. Work hard and good things will come.

Nites. Sweet nitemares.