Berjalan tak ingat duit

Salam. Morning. Pagi sejuk kan?

Dah 4 hari balik Malaysia. Setelah seronok berjalan tak ingat dunia.. haha
Well dah bagitahu yang bukan selalu ada privilege untuk travelling. Just seize the chance!

 So dah tahu first country - Vietnam (3 nights)
1. Ho Chi Minh City- ahhh ni just city tour jeee..haha
2. Muine- Red Sand Dune, White Sand Dune, Fishing Village, Fairy Stream.. cantik dalam gambar but tak begitu memenuhi expectation..

3. Back to Saigon
4. Night Market- tempat shopping tapi tak de mood nak shopping~~
5. Chu Chi Tunnel- menarik sebab history. and lalu terowong2 gelap yang blh mendatangkan claustrophobia! haha
6. Benh Thang Market- borong kain sutera beb! Penat, gigih tawar- menawar okay! dah lah peniaga tu tahu cakap melayu. tak boleh kutuk depan2! haha

Second country- Cambodia (2 nights)
At least yang ini ambik tour guide Muslim, solat, makan terjaga walaupun mahal haha.. naik dtuk- dtuk (basically motor gabung ngn 4 seats kat belakang).. tak sempat nak beli souvenirs. kedai tutup bila dah balik! huhu
1. Angkor Wat and small circuit (Bayon temple, Taprohm Temple, Wat Arun, Angkor Thom, Bapuon) - tak tipu besar kalau ambik 1 day pass! penat, panas.. haha
Jalan2 tengok nature, tengok pokok besar, langit, terpikir macam mana dorg bina temple yg besar penuh ukiran guna blok batu yang besar tanpa teknologi canggih mcm sekarang.. yes tahu dorg ada ancient technology yg kita tak tahu.. yang pastinya, Angkor Wat time sunrise berbaloi kena bangun awal! cantik Subhanallah

2. Cambodia Cultural Village- again interesting. tengok culture dorg kan. sambil cuci mata! hahaha kbai.. hahahaha

Next, Pakse, Laos (3 nights)
Baik punya kena van scam, jadi sardin dalam van penuh ngn local. haha selamat sampai tu je mampu kata. Lepas tu, kematu duduk atas motor (selamat bukan sendiri bawa!) tambah dengan sesat berlainan direction nak cari waterfalls! terus tukar g Champassak City! hahaha. pengalaman!!
1. Champassak City - Vat Phou
Cantik, tinggi kena panjat, tapi aku tak panjat lah sampai atas. even sampai second station pun dah lawa. haha tak tengok lah sanctuary place dia lahh..paham lah kenapa dorg bina temple tempat tinggi2. tenang, sejuk mata memandang!

2. Wat Phou Salao - tengok sunset and can see seluruh champassak city. kena turun sendiri. moto x mampu angkut! hahaha
3.  Bolaven Plateau- tempat waterfalls. Cantik sangat. Dapat main air level kaki pun dah seronok. nampak seronok kanak2 ribena g main belakang waterfall.. mampu untuk tak jealous je. hahaha

• Tad Yuang- nak turun lecak, selipar licin. maka berkaki ayam lah kita turun, naik g tgk waterfall. Depan waterfall, wahhhh macam pakai mist spray. udara segar.. mampu wahhhh~~ Subhanallah

• Tad Fane -  tengok dari jauh and still kagum. Air terjun berkembar. Kalau turun tengok dekat2, mesti kagum gila2 lahh.. Subhanallah.. Macam tengok Avatar, dengan ada rama- rama terbang.. haha

• Tad Champee- Air terjun yang sesuai mandi. Best, sejuk. Air terjun cantik. Bonus ada kedai kopi.. bantai lah alang ada kan.. haha

3. New Pakse Market- cari souvenirs tapi x jumpa! haha

Bye, Pakse. Hi last country, Bangkok.
Naik bas sampai Ubon Bus Station. Sampai2 je terus serabut. haha.. Cari jalan beli sim kad data, phone buat hal taknak kasi internet blh pakai, cari jalan nak g Ubon Train Station.
DRAMA SANGAT! hahaha yg penting sampai lah juga Bangkok tu.. biarpun dalam train tu, buat international incident! Maluuuuu~~
Selamat sampai Bangkok, kawan2 Thai AAA bawa jalan2, makan makanan thai, makan at the riverside twice! Bila lagi nak jadi adventurous kan?! haha
Semua mmg pakai baju warna hitam, putih. Kalau tak, reben hitam. Ramai beratur nak ziarah Raja dorg. Even kereta Putera dorg lalu, semua duduk. Kagum tengok kepatuhan rakyat mereka. bayangkan kalau kita kat Malaysia? no comment
1. National Museum- tengok history dorg, kingdoms before. ada aircond! haha
2. Grand Palace- Masuk acah2 org Thai! hahaha.. besar, cantik, warna - warni! Yang pastinya wow!

3. Wat Pho- tgk buddha baring, temple lagi
4. Solat kat Masjid okayy! Makan Pad Thai~
5. Naik BTS (macam lrt yg sejuk) g Siam Paragon, Siam Centre, Siam Centre Point - macam g Pavi, Times Square kat kl
6. Naik free shuttle boat (HUJANNNN!!)  g Asiatique - Shopping~~ dpt lah beli t-shirt, keychain, passport holder, makan ice cream kfc
7. Ayutthaya - naik kereta Kim (kawan Thai)

• Bang Sai Art and culture village- tgk culture and art making dorg..
• Summer Palace (Bang Pa-in Palace)- lawa, very westernized palace and lawa! best jalan2 naik golf car.. haha

• Wat Mahathat - peninggalan kesan perang ngn Burmese. Headless Buddha..

• Wat Chaiwatthanaram - temple yg ada kesan perang. and headless Budhha..

8. Victory Monument - shopping last minute! haha

Lepas tu balik KL. Yang pastinya, penat, mengantuk rasa bila dah sampai rumah. haha

So lessons from this trip:
1. Sometime kena open utk survive.. igt senang nak tido bila penuh lelaki! haha..
2. Learn cara traveller solat, makan.. yg penting solat tak tinggal, makan seafood kalau xyakin ngn ayam!
3. If have planning to dropped the bomb anywhere, anytime, give me some head-up. esp bila ada banyak good timing. sebab aku pun blank bila panic. but dont worry, dah tak simpan dendam. biarpun marah delay 1 hari, tapi dah tak de marah. be comfortable. aku tak rasa lah aku yang start mesej dulu lah yg pasti. haha
4. Aku tak letak expectation, so aku enjoy. eventhough perangai bitch boleh x perasan. maaf

So korg, thank you for the experiences and maaf kalau jadi burden.

The End. Sumpah panjang post ini!

Masa dan duit

27th October 2016. 12pm

Salam. How are you? Not really care.

Maybe a bit care. Fine right? Hahaha

Right now, on a bus going to Cambodia. Another 2 travelmates membuta lps settle hal di border checking.

Agak dizzy nak tulis tapi nak tulis juga. Sebab dah penat tido, makanan kat dorg and buku yg tengah baca kat chapter yg menyentuh hati. Hewhew.. Kena baca slow2 sbb no other books to read here or there if dah habis buku ini, 5 people you meet in Heaven by Mitch Albom. Yes new obsession. Hahaha

Masa dan duit. Bukan privilege yang selalu dtg bersama. Bukan nak cakap kaya, sebab duit yg ada pun bukan milik sendiri. Pinjaman.

Masa juga. Bukan milik kita. Selalu sibuk mengejar dunia yang selalu berubah. Tapi diri sendiri?

Apapun sejak jadi graduan jobless, kita pergi tengok dunia ciptaan-Nya. Not easy. Afterall it was never in the bucket list. Third world countries. Never thought akan jejak kaki ke sana.

But now, D-4 di Indochina bersama 2 makhluk yg x pernah terpikir akan jadi travelmates. Thought that makcik is the only travel partner i would have. Afterall mmg dia je yg tahan my gelabah and baran all these years kalau went anywhere travelling for new experience or just for relax.

Travelmates baru: Mr AAA and Mr I. Function masing- masing ialah:

Mr I: Leader trip. History guy. Arrangement and direction by him. Aku punya infinity selagi di bumi IndoChina. Penyabar and peace person. Xleh riuh2 sgt. Hahaha. Btw kena in- control most of the time.

Mr AAA: biasa lah💁🏻 second commander. Lintas jalan kena pegang tali beg dia sebab Mr I laju sgt sometimes nak kejar. Haha. Lebih baik dan mulia dari biasa. Tapi yang lain, sama je mcm selalu🙄 haha

Aku: parasit yg kadang2 ada function. Maybe ada jd burden kat mereka. Sebab aku pun rasa mcm membebankan dorg. Hurmm

Yang pasti, tiga2 kaki overthinker- semua kena ready by the time nak melaksanakan aktiviti. Haha

First destination: Vietnam - Ho Chi Minh/ Saigon/ Muine/ Chu Chi Tunnel

Bandar yang penuh dgn motor, bus and taxi. Bawa kendaraan (i can say) membahaya. Hahaha honk mmg kena function lah kalau nak drive. Hahaha

Yang kaya nmpk lah kekayaan di situ. Dan yg miskin mmg nampak lah rumah tepi sawah, rumah kayu.

Orgnya? Ada yang mesra, ada yang.. How should I describe them. Arrogant. Mostly peniaga. Walawei pakai pegang je nak suruh beli brg. Tawar- menawar mesti kena hebat, if not beli barang rasa mcm xpuas hati..

Tempat- menarik sebab kau spesies yang x selalu tgk sawah, haiwan ternakan; lembu, kerbau, babi etc. hahaha perlulah mention babi kan? Haha history dorg? Kita ada Mr I utk kelas sejarah. One thing yg sgt noticeable they are proud of their history, language and culture. Yang pastinya D-1 until D-3 i can say, memuaskan.

Makanan- ada kedai halal. Jauh2 aku pergi g juga restoran Kg Pandan- foods nit bad, prices included with tax and yg penting ada surau. Haha. Another one, Serai- boleh kata cukuplah sekali g. Makanan so-so, harga mahal, servis mencabar kesabaran. Perghh semlm baran terlepas jugak lah kat kedai tu sebab panas and servis. And no surau. So no, not coming back for Serai. Yang lain, makan roti, snacks, fish and seafood.

Btw atas bus ni dpt breakfast, kasi pork bun HAHAHA. Second time. First time dpt offer minum soju. Pengalaman.

Solat- interesting. Macam Mr I selalu ckp Islam itu mudah. Solat je dlm bus, tengah park, tepi jeep. Janji baju okayy bawa solat, ada raincoat. Tak sangka.

Accommodations- backpackers style. Hostel. Mixed. I can say mencabar. Mencabar segala liberal minded yg aku igtkan aku dh cukup liberal tapi mencabar lah. But janji katil okay, ada kena angin kipas or air conditioner, aku dah bersyukur. Biarpun dikakikan by Mr AAA. Hahaha

And kaki terseliuh sikit akibat tergelincir dlm toilet kat Muine bukan penghalang utk terus berjalan kaki dan sesat di Cu Chi. Haha.. Size badan yang jadi penghalang nak try tunnel yg muat org size S/M..

Shopping? Penat weyh. Penat tunggu. Penat tawar- menawar. Dan currency mereka yg byk 000 di belakang.

So far yg spoiled mood just kaki yg terseliuh, mood after shopping was gloomy, darkish because im so annoying bila tired. Yang lain, menarik. And kau dpt tgk personality travelmates ko yg mana just kenal dlm kelas or over dinner kalau g mkn sama.

So now bye. MP3 dh mati battery. Ipad 34%. Phone kena off, xnak battery mati QID. And journey dlm bus is 14hour to Siem Reap. Matilah aku kebosanan...

Kalau rjin, maybe ada review pasal Cambodia, Laos and Bangkok.

Bye. Salam

View Mekong from air.

Saigon Central Post Office 

White sand dune, Muine

 

Chu Chi Tunnel

Dreamer Part 5

Salam. 

How are you? I hope you're okay there. Tahu jarang mesej, but you know that i'm there beside you. Always. Eventhough i always pura- pura busy and you are busy, but im here for you. Eventhough i take long~ time to reply ypur messages. Believe me, i have bad relationship with my BB.. I miss you and i know that you know that. Lets go out and hangout, makcik!

Again, nothing much nowadays. Jobless, heartless. Hurmm....

**************

Dreamer Part 5

"Awak, kita pergi tengok movie. Jom! Cerita hantu nak?" kata Yana sambil memandang tepat pada mata Danish. Senyum manis. Minuman Coke di tangan Danish diambil lembut. Straw sama. Air dihirupnya. Itu normal.

Aku memandang wanita atau aku patut panggilnya gadis dihadapanku. Senyum. Meh tunjuk lesung pipit sikit. Aku tahu dia suka senyumanku. Semua orang suka dengan senyuman aku.

"Emm boleh je! Saya dah bayar makanan, awak bayar tiket ye" kataku sambil mengunyah burger ayam. Dia mengangguk setuju.

Setelah habis makan, aku terus bangun menuju ke cinema. Dia terus ikut di belakang.

Mungkin aku jalan laju sangat. Berhenti. Pandang belakang.

"Jom!" ajak aku agar dia berjalan di sebelahku. Berlari anak Yana mengejar aku rupanya. Siapa suruh bawa handbag besar tu, dengan pakai kasut tumit tinggi tu. Mesti dah sakit kaki berjalan hampir 3 jam di shopping mall ini. Tapi tak pula beli apa- apa. Aku turutkan aja kehendak dia di hari minggu ini.

"Awak okay?"

"Yana okay je. Kita pergi tengok movie kay? Nanti Yana nak tengok lagi few things... Tadi tak jumpa"

Aku hanya boleh mengangguk. Kurang pastu kenapa aku setuju nak date dia 1bulan lepas silap 3 minggu yang lepas. Kenapa lahh budak2 kelas suka sangat dia ni? Penat setiap minggu kena keluar date shopping lah, tengok movie lah... Malam- malam dia text lagi. Setiap malam. Aku yang kawan dengan orang lain pun tak de macam tu. Kalau lambat reply, nanti dia call. Hurm. Tengok lah, mana hala tuju hubungan ini.

Dia di sebelah. Berbual macam- macam topik. Aku layankan sahaja. Tapi aku tak rasa apa- apa perasaan istimewa.

Di kaunter tiket- dia pilih movie, dia pilih seat, dia bayar.

Aku tunggu di tepinya. Senyum untuk mengiyakan pilihan dia.

*Phone vibrate

Phone di dalam poket seluar dicapai. Mesej.

WhatsApp Erika: Dannn~~~ I miss you. Jom keluar malam ni!

Aku tersenyum.

"Yana, saya kena reply ni jap. Nanti tunggu kat depan sana ye" bisik aku sambil menuding jari ke arah tempat untuk dia tunggu. Dia mengangguk.

Terus beredar. Ke sudut yang jauh dan tiada orang. Phone di tangan.

WhatsApp. Erika. 

Enter a message... Sure! Jumpa kat kafe biasa at 10pm? Reply aku ringkas. 

What? Weekend kan, so enjoy lah.

Erika is typing...

WhatsApp Erika: okay.. Nanti jumpa😘 say hi to your girlfriend tu ya~~ haha..

Aku tergelak kecil. Girlfriend sampai hari ini je kot. Penat dah. Haha

Just another female friends. Reply aku.

2 jam kemudian- di luar cinema. Menguap aku tengok movie tadi. Kata cerita hantu, tapi hantu macam badut je!

"Yana, jom balik!" 

"Tapi ada nak tengok something else!" pujuk dia.

"Saya ada janji kul 10 nanti. Sekarang dah kul 9 lebih. Kedai nak tutup ni.." 

"Tapi...." katanya dengan perlahan. Tarik muka. Masam. Merajuk.

"Ahh...... Jom balik.. Saya hantar awak balik" kata- kata terakhir sebelum ribut taufan. Terus menuju ke kereta. Kereta meluncur laju di atas jalan yang tengah lebat hujan.

Sampai di hadapan rumah Yana. Masih dalam kereta. 

Jam di dashboard 9.38PM

"Yana..."

"Ye.. Dah sampai rumah" dengar nada suaranya masih merajuk. Tak kisah.

Pusing. Mata memandang tepat ke arahnya. Dia memandang aku semula. 

Puppy eyes. Mungkin mata ini yang buat semua orang sukakan dia. Tapi maaflah not my type.

"Ini kali terakhir kita keluar bersama ye. Saya rasa cukuplah..."

"Huh?" dia nampak terkejut. Again aku tak peduli.

"Yup. Last time. I don't think we can make it... Semua salah saya.. Awak.."

Sob sob. Bunyi tangisan. Air mata dia mula mengalir.

"Yana, awak terlalu baik untuk saya" - ayat drama melayu yang aku tertengok minggu lepas.

"Tapi kenapa Dan tetiba.. nak.. putus... Saya boleh ubahh..." katanya teresak-esak.

Jam di dashboard 10.01PM

*Phone vibrate. Lama. Call.

Yana masih menangis. Merayu.

"Dan, saya sayangkan awak...jangan.."suara Yana tenggelam timbul. Tangannya mula menarik tangan yang setia memegang stereng.

*Phone vibrate lagi.

"Yana, saya kena jawab phone ni" aku terus menjawab panggilan tersebut. Erika.

Ya dia masih menangis teresak- esak.

"Hai! Sorry lambat. Ada hal lagi"

"Belum habis lagi ke movie? Im at the cafe now" suara ceria perempuan di hujung talian. Aku yakin dia dengar. Jelas.

Tangisan itu berhenti. Aku memandang mukanya. Sembam. Masam.

"I need to go. Message you later!" Jawab ringkas dan phone terus disimpan di dalam poket. Sebelum dirampas.

Impending doom.

"Siapa perempuan tu!" Jerit Yana sekuat hati. Expected.

"Yana, I'm sorry. Saya tahu saya salah..." Kataku dipotong dengan segala cacian dan maki hamun. Few foul words. Direct hits with that big handbag! Aucchhh.. Not her fault afterall. Mine.

She left. Pintu kereta dihempas. Dia masuk ke dalam rumah. Dengar bunyi pintu dihempas.

Jam di dashboard 10.35PM

Phone dikeluarkan. Erika. Dail.

"Hello?"

"Dah selesai?" Tanya wanita di hujung talian dengan tenang.

"Dah. Clean end. But messy. You still kat cafe tu ke?" 

"Yup.."

"See you in 10min. Bye"

Yes, I'm a jerk and i know it. Tapi not my fault. Salah perempuan. Wawa. Bukan, Salwa.

****************

Ending part 5.

Hopefully cukup annoying. Guna imaginasi kalau tak cukup.

Hopefully tak jumpa laki macam ini in real life.

Otak serabut. Dah pukul 12.58am. So good nite. Sweet nitemares. Salam

Dreamer Part 4

Salam. Baru balik kampung. Tapi jam tangan tertinggal!😭 gigih nau kalau balik semata nak g amek je.

Anak2 kerja nak mandi pool hari2. Penat dan sejuk. Tired.

Btw salam aidiladha🕋

Malas and takde benda menarik nak cerita.

*********

Dreamer Part 4

Kemeja hitam- dah siap gosok!

Seluar jeans- dah jumpa! Seluar itu dicampakkan ke atas katil.

*Phone di tepi bantal vibrate.

Lompat ke atas katil. Ingat trampoline boleh lompat- lompat sesuka hati?! Haha

Phone tersebut dicapai. Mesej tertera di screen.

WhatsApp Mia: Perlu ke kau g date esok?

Besar kecik, besar kecik je mata membaca mesej perempuan ini.

Aku tengah tunggu mesej dari Wawa. Ahh Wawa.. Macam salah saja panggil nama panggilannya setelah bertahun kenal hanya memangilnya Salwa. Sejak bulan Mei, tiba- tiba Wawa mesej suruh panggilnya dengan nama panggilannya sahaja. Pelik. Tetapi aku suka. Hahaha *blushing.

Phone vibrate sekali lagi.

WhatsApp Mia: takyah lah g

WhatsApp Salwa😍: Jumpa awak esok ye. Picnic kat tepi tasik kan?

Hati bergetar. Awak?

Ahhhhh~~~~ *sambil berguling- guling di atas katil single ini.

Malam ini aku mesti tak boleh tidur lahhh!

1.45am. 16 September 2012.

***

6.15 pm. 16 September 2012.

Penat dah duduk kat atas rumput ini.

Mata penat memandang air tasik yang tenang ini.

Panas boleh tahan juga sebab pakai baju hitam kah? Ke sebab aku dah tunggu dari pukul 4.45pm tadi? Entahh...

Phone dicapai.

Notification (5).

Mesej dari celcom (1). Celcom takde kawan.

WhatsApp dari group besar(3). Ahhh hal kelas bukan untuk hari cuti. Budak- budak takde life ke? Huhu.

WhatsApp dari group family (2). Cannot say anything about this. Mesti hantar gambar anak- anak dorang menyanyi atau gambar makanan tengah hari tadi.

No message from her. Dia mainkan aku ke? Ke aku yang salah date and time?

Mesej dari dia dibaca semula. Yup, pasti tempat dan masa betul. Tapi mana Wawa?

Kembali termenung. Ramai jugak orang berjogging hari ini.

Phone vibrate. Lebih lama. Call.

Aku tak nak angkat.

Sudah berhenti vibrate.

Mungkin betul cakap Aizat. Dia kaki gosip yang berjaya. Gosip seluruh kampus dia mesti tahu.

Mungkin Mia tak tipu. Lagipun dia satu course. MBBS. Senior dia. Aku course ekonomi jer.  

Setakat kenal setahun sebab satu kelas semasa Asasi, dan sertai beberapa aktiviti kampus which kebetulan sahaja terjumpa semula semasa pertengahan semester 2, tak pelik kalau aku kena tipu dengan Wawa. Tapi kenapa nak tipu aku?

Phone kembali vibrate. Call.

Phone dicapai. 

Mia.

Jawab. Sepi.

"Mana kau?"

Sepi.

"Dia tak datangkan?"

Hanya mampu mengganguk. Aku tak perlu cakap sebab dia tahu.

"Pusing belakang"

Sepi. Terpaksa menurut perintah.

Dia di situ. Dia Mia. Bukan Wawa.

Mia yang pakai seluar track, sweater loose hitam, tudung hitam, kasut sukan merah.

"Ahhh~~" aku mengeluh panjang. Dia datang dekat, duduk di sebelah.

"Berapa lama tunggu?" Dia bertanya sambil mengikat tali kasut kirinya.

"Lama lah juga. Asal lambat sangat?"

"Jogging. Tak expect jumpa kau kat sini"

"Sejak bila kau jogging? Buang tabiat makcik tua ni!" Kataku agak kasar tapi dia dah biasa.

Kecewa. Bukan tak pernah patah hati tapi tak pula pernah kena tunggu lama untuk di-reject. Hurmm..

"Ikat tali kasut aku yang satu lagi" dia menyuruh sambil memandang ke arah satu arah.

"Ikat sendiri!" Aku terus memandang air tasik yang kini sedang memantulkan cahaya langit senja. Burung- burung pun dah terbang balik ke sarang masing- masing.

"Ikat je!" Katanya dengan lebih tegas sambil menyepak kaki aku.

"Fine gedik!" Kan sudah cakap. Memang kena menurut perintah.

Aku berganjak untuk mengikat tali kasut Mia.

Mia memandang aku. Pelik.

"Dah siap!" Kataku dan bangun dari hujung kakinya. Pandangan aku terhenti memandang sesuatu di belakang Mia.

Bukan sesuatu. Seseorang. 

Bukan seseorang. Sepasang.

Yang pasti, pasangan itu memandang aku. Mungkin memandang kami.

"Danish?" Panggil perempuan itu. Wawa. 

Lelaki itu pandang mukanya. Aneh mungkin perempuan dia memanggil lelaki lain di hadapannya.

Sekejap!

Lelaki itu sangat familiar! Betul ke? Aizat?!

"Bro, this is the time kau kasi sweet revenge. Don't worry, you owe me this time. Big one!" Bisik Mia sambil bangun dari tempat duduknya.

Damn! Dia selalu one step ahead from me! Mati lah nak kena belanja makan lepas ni!

Entah lah rasa kecewa tadi hilang, amarah dan perangai syaitan macam nak terlepas ni! Geram! Boleh kaki gosip yang masuk line aku! Mantap ah!

Senyum sinis.

"Jom Mia!" Aku menarik tangannya! Terus berjalan meninggalkan mereka yang menimbulkan rasa jijik dan geram. 

Laju aku jalan. Tak sedar tangan ini masih menarik Mia.

Crossing zebra. Kereta banyak. Aku berhenti.

Aku memandang sebelah. 

Mia terkesima. Terpegun.

"Okay tak?"

"Yup. Boleh lepas dah wrist aku rasanya!"

Terkebil mata. Terus tangannya dilepaskan. Selamat sweater lengan panjang dan dia tak singsing lengan tu! Wow kalau tak, aku mesti dah kena belasah tadi!

Jalan kosong. Mia melintas jalan dahulu. Aku mengejar dia.

"Sorry!" Tak sangka sebab marah, prinsip tak nak pegang perempuan (and of course dalam agama pun!) aku langgar! Adui.

"Tahu aku kata sweet revenge, tapi sengal ah kau! Grr!" Katanya sambil menjeling.

"Marah ye! Alolo akak senior jangan marah ye!" Kataku dengan nada gurauan. Untuk memujuk!

"Selamat member beza umur setahun! Kalau tak, tolak je kasi kereta langgar tadi! Belanja western malam ni!" Kata Mia dan mula berlari ke arah kolej kediaman.

Tahu dia pantang kalau aku memanggil dia kakak. Katanya beza setahun sahaja, silap haribulan hanya beza berapa bulan je! Hahaha.

***

Esoknya. Dalam group kecil WhatsApp MBBS, gosip mula menyebar. Aku ada boyfriend! Damn!

Pergi kelas, aku jadi bahan gosip!

Pergi lab, sambung dibahan oleh mereka yang tak matang.

Grrr geram dengan siapa yang sebarkan. Mungkin aku patut seksa budak first year Salwa itu! Dia yang nampak. Saksi utama!

Malam- 8.10pm 21 September 2012.

WhatsApp Danish- Jom! Aku kat depan ofis kolej kau!

Reply- Coming!

Dah siap! Tudung bawal brown, t- shirt dan jeans! Beg yang berisi laptop dan sedikit nota untuk dibawa pulang rumah! Konon nak study di rumah pada hari minggu! Nampak lah permainan di situ. Just nak hilangkan guilty je! Hahaha

Berlari anak keluar blok setelah kunci bilik. 

Pejabat kolej. Nampak dah dia tunggu di luar kereta! Baru 5 minit je tunggu! Aishhh...

Jap! Alamak ada geng kaki study group (read kiasu) kat koridor pejabat! Ahh lantak lahh...

Makin laju melangkah!

"Dan! Jom!" Panggil aku dan terus membuka pintu keretanya. Beg diletakkan di seat belakang. Aku terus duduk di seat penumpang depan.

"Oit pergi dating ke Maisarah?! Hahaha!" Gelak kumpulan tersebut.

Damn. Aku bukan famous sangat pun! 

Danish masuk kereta. Enjin dipasang. Aircond and radio dipasang. Kereta mula meluncur. 

Baby red (read kelisa merah aku) masuk bengkel. Dah 3 hari. Selamat rumah masing- masing dekat. Boleh tumpang balik. Dan Danish kena belanja aku makan!

"Maisarah?"

"Diam! Kau punya pasal ah tetiba aku jadi bahan gosip batch!" 

"Maisarah?"

"Mia Maisarah. Nama aku pun tak tahu ke? Grr..."

"Macam kau tahu nama junior tercinta kau ni"

"Danish.." Err aku pun sudah lupa nama penuhnya. Last kali tengok nama penuh masa sekolah asrama dulu. Kena tulis nama penuh untuk denda datang perhimpunan pagi lambat! Haha.

"See? Bising aku tak tahu. Danish Rafie.."

**************

I guess part 4 ni pun xde impak sangat. Just flashback. Nak wat drama menangis tapi takde ilham. Hahaha

Maybe part 5 blh buat bila ada orang lain kacau dorg ni maybe. Hahahaa

Dah lah mengantuk. Nites. Sweet nitemares. Salam

Impromtu trip?

Salam. Morning. Mesti pelik aku bangun awal kannnnn? Hahaha

17th August 2016

Impromtu trip? Takde lah impromtu lahh sgt.. Still ada plan jugak lahhh. Haha

Kl - Merlimau - bypass Tangkak, kuar tol Bukit Gambir - Kulai - KL - Kuantan - Karak - KL

9am - 1am! Nampak tak lebih 12 jam di situ?

Haha started as trip just utk bincang some stuff. Ahh stuff yg depressing.. Why money you dont grow on tree? Hahahaha

But literally money made of paper. Paper from tree. Eh?

Haha

Tapi best.

I get to drive alone. See the empty road (fine, ada kereta tapi tak banyak😍😍). See the sky. See the cloud. See the trees. See the sunset.

Feel the wind. De- stress trip i guess.

Yes, bosan tapi pasang lagu clubbing dgn buka tingkap. Kau rasa aku bosan ke? Dok menyanyi melalak, menjerit aku rasa.. Hilang segala stress sekejap! Haha

Thank you to both hosts yesterday. Hosts terbaik ever jumpa.. Rumah AAA dah seronok terdampar, makan a lot. Rumah V seronok layan hindustan, makan kedai hipster sedap. Berbaloi makan. And Hazelnut   white coffee buat aku tak boleh tdo sampai kul 3.30am...

Merlimau- wahhh hospitality terbaikkk👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻  mak cikk, thank you kasi dodol. Mak suka! Haha. Thanks kasi kek cokelat padu! Berbaloi breakfast mkn tu sblom kena drive ke Kuantan tadi. Haha.. So conclusionnya, smalam keluar Merlimau, seluar jeans ketat balik (nampak byk makan kat umh tu?) hahaha..

Planning itinerary is not an easy task.. Wahh esp for 11 days +++.. A lot of things kena handle and thank god ada org sudi lead or i called in control.. He said just habit kena tahu apa segala.. So sama kan dgn in control kan? Haha.. Sorg lagi acah busy2 tapi boleh pakai ah.. And aku? Terdampar, cuba paham segala plan, risau duit yg mmg nmpk tak cukup and basically i didnt contribute much... Hurm.. Macam jadi burden.. Well, naseb lah someone need to be the dead log 💁🏻 huhu.. Again thank you very very very muchhhh guys😁😘

Am i that scary? Kalau nak join trip, join je. So far belum makan org lah. Just lambat warm up nak kenal hati budi org. Tlg lahhh most people yg rapat sme bertahun bru blh jadi rapat mcm sekarang okay?

Tak sempat tgkp pic kat iconic sofa- kata AAA.. Lol. Time restrains.

Tak cukup menapak umh org smpai asar, gigih nak turun Kulai! Haha 

Entah lahh apa lahh makcik2 pikir pasal perangai kuat berjalan jauh, balik tengah malam? Haha

Dapat bypass Tangkak! First time lalu pekan tu.. Seblom tak tahu pun kat mana Tangkak punnn.. Haha

Kulai- Thank you Miss V sudi terima my impulsive visit! Haha.. Kelam kabut lupa map bila minta direction! Hahaha.. Thank you tumpang kan bilik, kuar dinner sama2.. Bila dinner, mesti berborak. Thanks again.. Yang penting, thanks bayar dinner! Hahahaha macam tahu petis ngakk ada.. Haha.

Again thank you. Kau sendiri paham lahh.. 

Mohon buat pilihan terbaik yee.. Nasihat mak nenek aku dtg kadang kala jeeee~~

Igt ye message dari AAA: Pasrah yeeeee *mohon bayangkan nada and mimik muka dia sekali utk impak terbaik! Hahaha

Kuantan- request from Puan Mama.

Wah! Local bawak kete macam haram, parking macam haram. Kena re-think kalau nak keje kat Kuantan. Yes aku pun bawak kete macam haram tapi wah td tu mmg haram nau! Grrr geram!

"Tu pasal mak dah kata pilih ho di negeri yg dihubungkan dgn highway- melaka, perak, phg(?)"- quote Puan Mama. Sentap. Tapi gatai nak g jauh- Sabah. Hewhew

At least segala cte kg2 dr Mak Ngah, zaman bukit aman- pudu just naik bus, jalan kaki, kemamam - pahang -kl satu perjalanan yg sgt lama and memabukkan (mual, muntah), sejarah dunia etc lahh.. Bukan selalu aku nak berborak ngn Mak Ngah lagipun. Surely why not kan?

Karak- balik kampung je singgah umh biasa lah.. Pergh laksam and laksa sedap gak! Haha

Arini feeling rollercoaster extra time turun karak highway sbb dah noticed lampu mmg padam. Selamat lampu kecik and sport lite hidup, cerah tapi malap.. Mmg asyik pakai high beam je!!.. Perghh tambah kena himpit lagi.. Perghhh

Therefore, g jalan2 melaka and kulai buat rasa macam jalan2 balik kampung. Yes karak cukup feeling kampung tapi sejam je kot! Xdan nak feeling lagu blk kampung tuuu🎶 haha.. Jarak and suasana kat umh dorg rasa macam kampung2. Tapi actually umh masing2 kat pekan. Anak bandoo lahh jugak dorg ni! Hahaha

Mak dok kata apa lah yg best g drive sorg2 tu! Well, the journey itself yg best. Sampai destinasi pun best tapi along the way, i got see, feel and everything lahh.. Its a loner thing lahh.. Suka duduk alone happily! What to do?! Hahaha.. 

Dapat jumpa kawan2 rasa gembira. Bila habit macam hoarder (kata makhluk Tuhan itu lahhh 😒) or i prefer collector, kena nampak bru rasa wujud.. Takat wassap ke mesej, feeling tak sama! Haha perangai budak2 sangat!! Hahaha

2 days straight long distance driving- best tapi effing tired. So nites. Sweet nitemares. Salam

Dreamer Part 3

Salam. Hai jumpa lagi eh. Ya dah nekad nak frequent update blog! Tapi rasa macam nak sambung Dreamer, tengok jalan cerita boleh buat drama time magrib tu tak? Hahaha

Tadi first time buat batter pancakes from scratch. Hopefully jadi lah esok. 🙏🏻😏

Takde mood nak meroyan, sebab puas palpitation dengan caffein and passport tadi (yes overthinking what if kalau passport kena blocked tetiba. Weird but yeahh that's me). Mood memang tak baik for past few weeks, maybe patut stop mogok. 

Yang pasti gembira sebab dah try bungy jump, main kat sunway lagoon, lepak ngn 👭👭, settle step 1 and merancang angan2 yang diidamkan. Haha Alhamdulillah

So. Let's begin. WARNING: cheezy words and again just another dream. Dream yang rasanya tak kan dikecapi.

**********

Dreamer Part 3

Duduk di meja tepi tingkap. Tengok gelagat orang ramai yang sibuk berjalan, memandang telefon bimbit, bergelak ketawa bersama kawan dan jalan seorang diri sambil mendengar lagu (of course pakai earphone duhh)..

Seorang diri. Buku di tangan. Mata membaca dengan tekun. Secawan iced mocha. Wow, boleh tahan pahit and manis. Begitu juga kehidupan. Bukan semua manis, mesti ada saat pahit.

Satu jam.. Dua jam.. Tiga jam....

Telefon bimbit yang selalu dicampak (okay sebenarnya terjatuh dengan sengaja haha) vibrate.

WhatsApp D*****: Yo sis

Kenapa makhluk ni mesej tetiba? Malas nak reply. Teruskan bacaan.

Sekali lagi telefon bimbit itu vibrate.. Aishhh dah kenapa ramai yang mesej ni?

WhatsApp D*****: Pandang belakang.

Eh? Kenapa pandang belakang? Aku toleh ke belakang.

Tersenyum.

"Asal kau kat sini?"

"Saja usha awek cantek yang lalu lalang kat sini.. Hahahaha!" Jawab dia dengan selamba. Dia terus duduk di kerusi sebelah.

Buku di tangan dicapai.

"Have a Little Faith.. Bukan buku ini kau dah pernah baca?" Tanyanya sambil membelek buku tersebut.

"Yup. Dah pernah abes baca dulu kat Kino. Tapi tak beli. So ni dah beli, makanya baca again" jawabku sambil mengambil buku tersebut semula. Dia ingat!

Dia tergelak kecil. Dengan selamba, iced mocha aku disedutnya.

"Woit aku punya lah!" Jerit perlahan aku menarik cawan itu. Saja je buat drama. Macam tak biasa kongsi air, makanan. 

"Macam tak biasa! Gedik. Mana makanan? Aku lapar" balasnya sambil menarik semula cawan itu.

"Ah kau ingat aku cop duit untuk kau? Hahaha" kataku sambil terus membuka semula buku.

Kawan lebih 8 tahun. Dari sekolah asrama form 4 sampai masuk universiti. Gila kalau tak kenal perangai. Haha

Dia tersenyum tetiba. Eh dia ada lesung pipit lah. Lupa dia memang ada! Haha

Aku kecilkan mata. Mukanya ditatap.

"Kau nak apa? Tetiba senyum?" tanyaku dengan penuh suspicious. Bukan boleh percaya kalau dia tetiba semyum gedik macam tu.

"Jom lah. Shopping ke jalan- jalan. Aku nak cari baju baru, kau bising kan. Baju aku buruk kan?! Haha" katanya smbil bangun. Iced mocha aku dipegangnya. Beg aku pun dia ambil. 

Aku tak berganjak. Sambung baca buku. Ahh aku nak abeskan baca buku ini hari ini.

"Aishhh.. " aku dengar suara dia tak puas hati. Tersenyum. Dalam hati gelak golek- golek. Hahaha

Buku dirampas. Aku pandang mukanya dengan tak puas hati.

"Jom!" serunya sambil terus berjalan keluar dari cafe bersama beg, buku dan air aku.

"Sabar lahh! Tunggu.." Ya aku mengalah. Makhluk ini yang selalu ada bila tayar pancit, kereta taknak hidup. Apa lah sangat ikut dia shopping. 

Ahh dia susah nak decide baju mana yang cantik, patut beli ke tak baju ini.. Aishh cheapskate! Dia yang kata dulu, bukan aku! Plus, mengalahkan perempuan pergi shopping! Aku pun tak shopping selama dia! Haha

-----

Dia tak perasan aku. 

Sengaja duduk di meja belakang dia. Bukan stalker tetapi terserempak.

Still, she did not noticed me. Been sitting behind her around 1.5 hours.

That's happened bila dia baca buku. Entah apa yang suka sangat dengan buku Mitch Albom tu.. Buku medic bising mengantuk baca. Haha

Telefon bimbit dicapai.

Mesej lama dibuka. WhatsApp. Dibaca. Yup aku baca mesej lama. Menarik apa. Emosi masa itu and emosi sekarang lain. Kadang terpikir kenapa dia mesej macam tu, kenapa aku reply nak tak nak macam tu. Haha kelakar.

M***** : Dia ajak g wedding dia😭😭

Aku    : Dont go. If not, kau yg nanges🙄🙄😂😂😂

            Sanggup ke nak g?

M***** : takk lahhh.. Nope! Nak g, so tak nmpk aku suka nau dia!😭😭

Aku    : then go.

M***** : jom! 

Aku    : nope. Aku anti social. And aku bukan boyfie kau💁🏻💁🏻💁🏻💁🏻

Conversation 6 bulan lepas. Still rasa dia belum move on. Tahu dia still simpan gelang tangan yang mamat tu bagi sempena dia lulus Tahun 3 MBBS. Wow bahagia dia macam kena propose! Haha.

Jari keep on scrolling mesej lama.

Terhenti.. Mata menatap mesej itu. 10 months ago.

M***** : weyh, busy? Aku nak call jap.

Still remember that call. Dia menangis. Sebab apa? Sebab exam kan? Ke sebab mamat tu? Ke sebab family dia?

Ahhh~~~ sebab family dia. Dia tak tahan dah. Dia tak pernah tunjuk dia penat atau sedih. Selalu senyum, gelak macam hantu. Tapi malam itu, 2.30am (yes ingat sebab aku baru balik makan mamak dengan geng jantan lain haha. Baru nak main game tetiba telefon bunyi!)

Dia menangis. Aku di hujung talian hanya mampu mendengar. Nak motivated dia, tapi tak sanggup. Aku tak nak dengar dia nangis lagi.

Tanpa disedari, hati aku terdetik. Aku nak jaga dia! Eh. Tapi dia lagi jantan dari aku?! Selekeh, pakai jeans and t- shirt lusuh all the time but I want to hold her and comfort her.

Eh? Am I falling in love with her?

*************

Enough.. Makin jijik. Tak tahan weyhhh..

Dengan #np Baby Bash ft Frankie J- Suga suga...

Kenapa tak de nama watak? Sebab tak pernah pikir nak sambung Dreamer ini. 

I guess this is what I want.. Maybe ideal situation maybe in future?

Tapi i dont think so. Why? i dunno. Maybe sebab takut commitment. And i need to love myself before loving another person.

Okay. Thats all. Nites and sweet nitemares. Next time tulis Dreamer, target buat reader menangis! Haha and surely no happy ending

Hahaha. Bye

Rindu

Salam penganggur.

Since dah kerja menanam anggur- fine ternak lemak! Keep thinking why not update more frequent? Since ada peminat tetiba suka baca sejak diperkenalkan. Hahaha

Opps lupa nak tutup nama! Haha eh?

Ada orang suruh tulis bila dah rindu.

Rindu ke? Kalau rindu, rindu apa?

Place? Like above, it's not. Because that place just another place which someone else will replace and take over later.

People? Maybe? Some will be remembered,remained as sweet memories. And some just will be bitter memories. Macam memasak, rasa dia kena cukup; masin, masam, manis, pahit (?)

Tapi kalau perangai hina sangat tu, layak je lupakan. Serius lupakan je, dari sakit hati ingat.

Actually, sincerely I think we missed the memories. Because memories made of every moments in our life atthat moment, and we miss that moment. That moment with that person, that group of people we love and doing things that we love, sometimes jadi impulsive and do some crazy things. Yup of course I done some crazy things (I can be daredevil and spontaneous but I'm not a risk taker)

1month and half - basically back to origin and almost lost my mind because home is where we become human (at least i did become human.. Maybe.. I think.. Hahaha) and college is a part of my freedom.

Define freedom- kebebasan untuk makan at anytime, keluar bila rasa nak keluar (read as stress), meeting people and getting to know them inside out, and maybe do some random things

Staying home is not bad. Maybe because i leave home at early age, so dah terbiasa. Haha but dont worry, im not that kind of liar person. Just random and spontaneous person.

So now, i can only remained sane for 2 weeks. After that, keluar main ngn mek kesayangan. Hopefully im not become nuisance to her.. Dah tanya, she said okay. Dont worry, i will stop when the time comes and when she say so. So missing college not really. But missing the time when everyone is there for hangout (let just read as bergosip) , paksa- rela keluar/ belanja makan and karok dalam kereta mcm semua suara sedap macam Adele, Taylor Swift.. Bila realiti, masing- masing suara katak panggil hujan.. Hahahaha.. Yes, that one I do miss. I missed them.

Whatsapp? Mesej? Boleh tapi feeling lain. Tambah ngn perangai kaki bluetick each other. So nahh, not the same.. Call? Kirim salam, boleh bikin gaduh and mesti takde topik nak cakap. Haha

Them? Siapa them? Just a few sebab ramai tak lepas that barrier.. So they may looked like a friend, but actually they are only acquaintance. Sorry

1. Miss I- mek kelantan yang tak byk ckp. Tapi kalau kasi cukup warm up, you can hear all the things that she pendamkan. But i still look for her every 2 weeks.. Now as checking her up, and maybe jadi bahu utk dipinjam. Tapi dia kata dia dah terima hakikat. So kadang rasa macam aku yg tgh pinjam bahu dia. Huhu

2. Miss A- this hantu, just hantu yang susah nak korek the real her. But im glad i get the opportunity to know her. Sarcastic, playful and helpful most of the time after the sarcasm of course. But she is an interesting person. To get her to open up, just be patient because thats the only way. Hee

3. Mr AAA (tpi letak Mr mcm pelik sbb he acted like one of girlfriend jugak! Ampun! Haha) - this guy is unique. Takde lah org lain macam dia because one moment he is a maaaa~~ gurlfriendd *baca dgn nada makcik african american taw! But sometime he can be there for you when semua org takde.. Bak kata tweet Miss A- lelaki harapan dia lahh... Hahahaha.. Just tahan segala kerenah anak bongsu, segala meroyan, angin ribut taufan and still kau tetap susah nak teka personality dia. Tapi he's not bad person as rumours said (if ada rumours lah!) because he is trustworthy person despite with some issues yg kita susah nak paham. Kadang just let it remain tak paham. Hahaha

4. Mr S- another anak bongsu. Menarik personality. Hantu jugak. And tahniah dapat baby baru.😊

5. My beloved buddies line- adek2 yang tercinta. Mengarut je kat ws tapi i know each and everyone one of them are struggling hard in their own way. And i ada utk any helps. Just call me je anytime for now lahh, and will come to help you guys..

6. Miss V- most indecisive person ever meant. Terlalu baik hati sampai sanggup makan hati. Most probably just the way dibesarkan. Very knowledgable and also humble. Cannot stop talking... Only stop talking of ada org yg dia tak comfortable. Baru rapat sebab tak reason. Just hope she can choose the best for her and not get hurt along the journey when the choice is made.

7. Some other random people macam groupmate yg baik (still can ws and mencarut to each other hahahaha), beloved lecturer esp Prof S, Prof SL, Dr R, Dr A and other. Byk lah yang pasti. Tapi mereka tak memberi impak segempak them above.

The best moments- A LOT OF IT...

Moment yg recent- karok melalak dalam kereta, lepak bilik, tgk movie, food hunting etc

Moment yg past- pantai at midnight, bowling, tgk bukit etc

Banyak moments yang pasti.. The goods and the bad one.. Tapi just another memories and we shouldnt live init. So move on. Meet new people, experience new things and be happy. Happy in any ways possible. Because its your life, not others.

Sekian 49minit for this update. My gosh. Esok kena bgn awal. So nite. Sweetnitemares. Salam

Journey 2011/2016

Salam.

2 August - not really a good day for me since past 14years. Still missing you eventhough seldom check on you there. Sorry. Hope you're doing well there 😢😶

29 June 2016- another day to remember I guess. You dont get good result everyday esp for ppl like me, the struggler, the last-min person, the overthinker. Alhamdulillah

Yes I put a hold to the tear of joy for tear of I dunno, disappointment(?) because she will not be here for me with/for oath ceremeony, last dinner and convo. Yes went to find her after noticed she is not there when I asked to wait awhile as i want to see the result myself. i understand the feeling too, we been in it together before. Im reallly glad that you're fine now. Will coming back to see you soon.😊

Back to the title: Journey

Hurm. Its all started as challenge.

Boarding school (read as MRSM)- science is easy, maths, add maths is easy but language? Nahh not my thing! Somehow accountancy seem interesting, but balancing can be easy yet challenging.

Foundation (read as Asasi PAlam)- bio, chem again reading subjects, efforts needed! Physic, ahhh interesting and easy, thanks to crush (yes, have weird crush on physic tutor, is that they called? Hahaha) 

I dont want an easy way to see life. I want challenge along the way. So i took the hardest way, way that my people said it wont be easy even after graduate. They tried, tried hard to stop me. But knowing me, stubborn.

I signed up for this 5years course MBBS for challenge myself. No other motive until some senior (orientation week, yup avoided the racist orientation but ends up kena teman roomate), she asked "Asal nak jadi doctor?" 

In my head, laju2 macam2 jawapan pikir. Nak kasi typical answers ke? Nanti kena teruk bantai.. Yup i think a lot in that few secs. Ends up a very personal reason came up and all the sudden that reason become the pemangkin, dorongan everytime i really want to call it a quit. That reason is why i hold to this dream so hard , fall hard, cried hard, laughed hard.. Everything because of that reason. Thank you. I will try my hardest to achieve my goals to fullfil that reason InsyaAllah. And now my baby steps is over. Step 1 done- grad on time, just 5years! Next step 2: Ho, the undertaker, i  dont understang why they called it that? Call it hamba kelas paling bawah, yes understand but undertaker? Nahh still a mystery.

In this 5 years. The journey is not easy at all. hard, cant said hardest since no other experience to compare. Haha but really, HARD. You find yourself always worrying, are you good enough? Clever enough? Or just that stupid, too dumb to understand the easy physiology of renal function or no enough brain cells to remember that easy anatomy of head to toes? Just god sake it's just a human! I dont know, that 5 years really makes me think im not that bright student yang do good enough at high school and asasi. Like im just imposter, being there is wrong! This is just the pre clinical years (Phase 1 and 2!)

At least that thoughts reduced a bit, things improved, better i think during clinical years (Phase 3A and 3B)... I worked hard, damn hard until i feel guilty if i go home and play. But the stress level- worst! Worse than in MRSM but still better because i still have friends, true friends around at least in uni compare to in MRSM (dont want talk about it, and never will!). So what? Go home, sleep, eat and play on weekend. Be a proper human- what my mum usually said, "Kat um jadilah hantu tak tdo, tak makan, konon study kuat sgt tu. And balik umh, makan puas2, tido and jadi manusia sebenar".

And its worth it. Every tears, sweats and blood (i guess maybe from those accidental needle prick kot? Hahaha ke darah patient? Pun bolehhh hahaha). 

29 JUNE 2016- MEM1****** LULUS

Seeing that, I know deep inside its worth it. Means a world for me.Acknowledgment.

What i learned throughout this 5 years?

1. You dont work, you failed. So work hard. So hard like there is no tommorow. Because supplement (special sem for 3mt i always tell other ppl) sangat teruk, sangat sakit and kau taknak rasa. Kau tak rasa kau tak layak nak kata apa2. Jangan panggil kitaorg asabiah sbb kitaorg lain and we deserved the bong ( btw the bond is not there anymore, everyone just... Dispersed.. Dont let me start about friends till jannah kat bukit ampang tu sebab they will say, kita kawan selamanya tapi kalau kawan kann, kita tak rasa apa yg aku tengah rasa. Bukan aku je, few of us. Only few of us (number? 4 ke 3 je patut cakap? Haha so what, people move on. Thats life)

2. Knowledge is everything, anyone can give it and anywhere you can find it. Be proactive, ask questions even if it's silly but not too stupid please. I know i hate it. Listen when dr and profs teaching! Focus with segala kekuatan yg mampulahh.. Share the knowledge even though it's not much compare to the smart students, deans list. Jadi span, sedut ilmu org lain then kongsi ngn org lain juga.

3. First time is was a mistake. But second time is choice - quoted from a guy that just started kenal, blom rapat and it hurts badly,deeply when kena  batang hidung sendiri. That fall, it was hardest, damn hard to stand back!

4. Friends come and go. True friends stayed and dont leave. When the time is hardest, people yg datang can be your true friends. That point they are. But after that, 1 year after that, 2 years after, i dont know. Please consider. People changes, you change too! And sometime those yang kau kenal dari first year dah bukan kawan dah punn bila dah masuk final years. Org kau baru kenal hati budi hujung2 tu lahhh yang boleh pakai silap hari bulan. Haha

5. Trust. I trust you. You trust me. I tell your my secrets, show my darkest side of me d you dont leave. You did the same, i dont leave too.. But if I bluntly break that trust, i lose you when you said it will be okay and its never be the same anymore. Im sorry if i did it, good intention and you seem cant to understand it. My mistake

6. Junior is not bad. Buddy helps. Esp barang buddy. Haha okay adik2 buddy pun helps a lot. Moral support bila kau about to breakdown. Foods- can be free or expensive, depends on time. Haha. Love you guys buddies!

Basically, i went through a life phase during these 5 years. I grew, matured and learning to be a better person from the person i was 5 years back. I wasn't the nicest person on the earth but now, still mean and nasty in every ways possible but a bit nicer. Have some friends which i dont really have much before if to compared to the old time. And knowledge wise, im still improving. I met people, learn new things, go places and experience everything. Live a life. Dont be hurmmm what the word, lubuk? Sebab kita hidup sekali. Kau pikir umur 21, 22 datang balik lps ko kawen, beranak ke lps ko jadi prof? Tak, kita teruskan hidup biarpun they said you wont have a life. 

So sekarang isilah segala form, g interview tu, kursus 5 hari (?) dan be a good and safe doctor! InsyaAllah. Jaga hati. Niat kerana Allah. Things will never go wrong. Work hard and good things will come.

Nites. Sweet nitemares.

It's hard

Salam. How are you?

It's probably sounded chessy but I miss you.

Kadang2 ada hikmah kenapa kau terpilih. Maybe bukan salah kau. Takdir

Allah Maha Adil, Dia dah susun rancangan-Nya cantik khas utk kau.

Jangan keep salahkan diri sendiri. Jangan pencilkan diri. 

Yes tahu need your space.. Yes tahu recovery kita macam kisah dulu, it will takes weeks... Tapi tahu kau kuat.. Please be stronger this time

Aku ada kalau kau nak aku ada.

Satu hari tapi dah rindu.

Rindu xleh nak ketuk bilik kau mcm nak pecah pintu tu.. 

Rindu xde org tetiba ketuk bilik randomly but actually ada niat tersembunyi.. Haha 😞

Rindu xde tempat aku nak tetiba mengarut, ckp random topics.. 

Rindu xde org nak heret g mkn in the middle of the night.. Yup aku nak makan murni ngn kau sekarang, bising kau asyik pilih menu sama, as usual routine kita

It's hard, i know. Nope i dunno. But i can imagine the pain.

You cried and i cried too..

"Tak dapat nak grad sama" aku pun rasa bende sama

"Nanti dinner aku mesti bosan xde kau"

..... Just please be stronger, and .... Kau tahu aku ada utk kau. Please take note okay?

Things I can't tell directly to her. She's special. She is my person. I don't cried spontaneously because other people but i cried before her and hear, see her tears. Her fear, her worst nightmare was mine too.

So, please.. Aku x pandai pujuk org. Aku just mampu dengar and stand by you now

Aku tahu kau kuat. Kau blh! And aku harap if kau baca ni, please be more stronger. We akan selalu support kau, even though kau x nak! 

Fighting 💪🏻😢 InsyaAllah kau mampu, kau boleh

Dreamer Part 2

Just another way to divert the stress of Final MBBS in 2 weeks time. Still trying hard and will try harder in these remaining time. Hope for the best. Doakan kami semua lulus dgn cemerlang in one go sama2 by this June 2016. InsyaAllah. Amin

***

Dreamer Part 2- because it's just another dream. And dream just meant to be a dream.

Bau perfume-nya. Bau yang sudah terbiasa.

Sejauh mana dia pergi, dia tetap dekat. Entah. Mungkin sebab perfume pernah tertumpah dalam beg galas ini? Haha mungkin.

Bila berjauhan, mesti kena rajin call, mesej, video calls etc. To maintain the relationship, they said. 

Kami? Entah. Dua-dua sibuk. Mesej ada, tapi reply? Mungkin dapat reply setahun kemudian *nada sarcastic. Haha.

Call? Tak mungkin. Nanti boleh gaduh. Gaduh besar atau gaduh manja? Entah lah.

Tapi yang penting, trust. Percaya pada Dia. Percaya pada dia. Kalau he is the one, he will be come back. Dia akan datang semula tanpa melukakan hati masing- masing.

Tetapi hati ini masih berharap agar dia kembali berdiri di sisi. Menjadi penyokong sejati, pelindung di kala hari yang terasa kelam, gelap dan menjadi kawan atau sahabat ketika senang dan susah.

Seperti mana aku tetap berdiri sama ada di sisinya atau di belakang menyokong segala ideologi pelik, hadap segala kerenah dan gurauan kasarnya.

Berdiri di sampingnya sambil memegang erat tangannya dan menghadapi cabaran kehidupan bersama.

"Mama!" jerit anak kecik sambil menarik tangan ini. Tersenyum.

"Kenapa sayang?" sambil memdukung anak kecik yang comot bibirnya dengan chocolate. Tisu dicapai, bibirnya dibersihkan.

"Ahh.. Papa mana? Adik rindu... " kata anak yang masih pelat, masih berlatih untuk petah berkata.

Tersenyum sekali lagi. Pipi gebu dicium dengan penuh kasih sayang.

Tik tik. Bunyi alarm kereta dari luar pagar.

"Papa!" jerit anak kecil itu sambil meloloskan diri dari dakapan.

Berlari ke arah pintu.

Aku? Ikutkan sahaja setiap langkah anak kecil itu.

Pintu terbuka. Dia di situ. Tersenyum riang melihat anak itu berlari ke arahnya.

Dia memandang ke arah ku. Mata bertemu mata. Hati gembira. Senyum.

"Welcome back! Seronok outstation 2minggu kat sana?" sambil menyambut tangannya.

Sebelah tangan, pegang anak.

Sebelah lagi? Memegang erat tangan kasar dek jarang disapu lotion. Scrub dengan hand sanitizer and sabun scrub OT itu selalunya. Haha.

"Tak. Sebab sunyi sangat takde baby yang bising ni and xde mama dia" jawab sambil mencium pipi bayi kecil itu. 

Tangan masih erat memegang tangan ini.

Dulu rimas dengan segala skinship tetapi sekarang? He is the only exception. *pipi blushing. Haha.

Dia lah kawan. Dia lah hantu, kaki sakat. Dia lah driver, chef weekdays, tukang angkat barang groceries. And he's my person and losing him is like I'm losing myself. Complement each other.

***

0122 Sat 28th May 2016. 

Mengarut jijik nak mampus time  tgh mlm bila palpitations pikir final. InsyaAllah blh lulus sama2 dgn sme. Usaha, usaha, usaha and tawakal. InsyaAllah yakin dgn Allah. Jihad. Niat belajar krn Allah. Doakan ya💪🏻💪🏻💪🏻💪🏻🎓🎓🎓

Dalam selfish, still usaha sama2. Two is better than one. The more the merrier. InsyaAllah efforts counts. Just bersangka baik. Don't assume. And be yourself, keep trying harder everyday. Push to the limit. We can do it💪🏻💪🏻💪🏻🎓🎓 InsyaAllah 

Dah lah. Mengarut plus luahan hati yg agaknya mmg tgh stress. Night. Salam

#meroyan

Yup #meroyan

Hi.

Its my fault and i admitted. Shouldn't sibuk dgn tepi kain orang lain. Now, you said it will be okay and I don't think so (overthinking is my habit after this insecurities and anxiety build up). 4 weeks and it's harsh. You don't text with person that you feel so awkward. I don't. Therefore decided to let go. Maybe it's a good choice, I don't know. Maybe. 

I don't want make you another lost piece in this puzzle. It's tiring when you keep losing every pieces of puzzle that you really love. Hated it when letting people be significant and suddenly you doubted their worth.

I builts a concerete barrier kalis segala emosi- trust, love, hate, etc. so? Ada problem kah? Ego? Also a part of the innate immunity 

Being honest is good. You hated my concept of friend but that's how I survived after a hell i created in the past. You don't know and I don't think you need to know. We are so different, I do understand.. Something that i posted in media social (esp this one also), maybe ditujukan khas untuk kau, or maybe just for general population. I can be random, loose association of thoughts kan? Tapi kenapa kau yang terasa lebih? Bukan semua tweet or post ig untuk kau? Mungkin aku tgh tujukan org lain juga.

Walawei half of post! Since talking is not for us (cakap pun mcm haram, nak taknak je), so this post khas utk meroyan yang pasti kau x baca sebab kau bukan baca pun! Kalau kau baca, mungkin.. Or maybe just don't read, things will be more awkward.. Bukan blh lari kalau benda lagi jadi lebih teruk. Haha (oh yeah haha tak sesuai during serious talk)

3months.. Nope 2 months to go. Afraid and nervous but hard to concentrated. Ya Allah, please help me.. Nak grad on time and be good and safe doctor with everyone else. Tahu suka sangat usaha last minute, permudahankanlah Ya Allah. Hilangkan malas, mengantuk dan izinkan fokus sepenuhnya on Final MBBS! Amin.. Nak lulus!! Kena usaha byk2! Taknak kecewa lagi!!

Kena make sure my purpose is fulfill everyday dayung2 g hospital. Kena pikir mbbs all the time. Kena ada confidence ngn diri sendiri and tambah ilmu. Truthfully I'm scared. InsyaAllah boleh lulus! Positive! 

Maybe patut sambung study ortho ni! chaiyok! You can do it!!

Happily walk away if it's good for me. And kalau dpt wat getaway to any beach, it would be nice. And do extereme sports- parasailing again ke jet skin or paragliding? Zipline, bungee macam best tapi mampu ke? Skydiving kena tunggu lps lulus final, then mmg nak buat skydiving at least once before i die.

Stop. Esok kelas! Enough #meroyan. Orang x peduli kau okay ke tidak. That is life. Bye